Grandma

Dear children & grandchildren

When we grow old we hope that you will take care of us just like the way we care for our mother, Madam Khoo Siew Tuan.

She is in her late 70s and she is my mother (Ruth writing).

At first I did not understand why she did not want to stay with anyone of us, did not like to be house bound, did not like to be bed-ridden, did not like to be in a wheelchair and takes her vitamins diligently.

I did not understand her daily schedule of waking up early, sleeping early, going to her favourite coffee shop for her morning coffee ( a glass of hot kopi O with a glass of water), eating 'beh' or oats, eating simple meals or also her preference of taking a bus to town to walk around, drink her coffee, chit chat with friends and then taking a bus back. A simple chore of paying bills in town is a break to her monotony and something to be looked forward to.

I also did not understand why she wanted her independence and has set ways of doing things. Neither did I understand her home remedies to cure colds, fevers and like sicknesses. I normally do not follow any of them or go to the medicine shop to buy the various herbs she recommended me to buy for general health (being a modern person who believes in modern medicine).

However things became clear to me when I watched the show "Carnation".

This Japanese show about 2 generations of fashion designers in Japan really touched a chord in me. The 3 girls, Yoko, Naoko and Satoko became top designers in Tokyo and London but the mother refused to give up working at an old age. Even when she broke her leg and suffered from ill-health she continued designing clothes and even launched her own line of clothes!

This true story really touched me because I saw that the mother behaved just like my own mother. When the 2 eldest girls asked her to go to Tokyo to stay with them she refused and call them her "enemy"!

When they offered their brand names to launch her clothes line, she refused preferring to use her own name instead. When they asked her to retire, she refused flat-out. She forced herself out of bed and called her daughter in Tokyo to remove the hospital bed from her house!

She insisted in carrying on her business, meeting her customers like she used to do and even scolded the young people who worked under her!

Finally she got her way and at an age when people should be retiring and taking things easy she continued designing, making clothes and teaching the young men that worked with her the ropes of her trade.

Even her rebellious granddaughter Rika changed from a girl who only wore jerseys and got into fights to a lovely obedient girl. Rika was touched by the guts of her grandmother and her stubbornness to let others to do things for her. In a way, Rika saw herself in her grandmother as wearing jerseys day in, day out was a sign of rebellion.

In Itoko Ohara's words "I am just too busy to die"!

When my mum had her fall last 2 days, suffered a blood clot in the brain and had to have stitches to her skull to stop the bleeding, I am thinking that my mother's spirit is like the spirit of Itoko Ohara. Finally I understood why my mother behaved the way she did. Itoko refused to have a sick bed in her house or to move around in a wheel chair opting to risk falling down rather than be pushed around! Every morning Itoko would go through a set routine of talking to those who had gone before her, talked to the pictures of those who had died, eating her meals in front of the TV, speaking to her 2 faithful employees, speaking to her clients and barking orders to her employees.

I rushed back to Penang when I heard the news. Grandma said she fell when boarding a bus. Witnesses said she was hit and grazed by a hit and run. She fell and suffered a knock on her head. The bleeding could not stop.

I decided to stay with my mother in the hospital as I felt that it was what the Lord Jesus wanted me to do.

I prayed for my mother throughout the night as it was most difficult to sleep in the hospital deck chair.

I offered my younger sis to pay for my mother's medical fees and then to claim it from my other siblings. She said to me "Good luck to you". Somehow I knew what she meant. One of my siblings will make comments about the hospital charges. Some will say that they do not have the money. Some might not even pay at all. This was from a previous experience I had when 'collecting' money from them for a previous hospital stay.

I want to thank God for showing me that its not just enough to pray for my mother but I must love my mother with my actions and my words. Going to Penang at short notice is an action of love, speaking to her and praying for her is my words of love.

I was encouraged when my mum lifted up her hands and said "Hallelujah" after I prayed for her.

I had to rush back the following day as I had things to do that day but I promised my younger sis who is giving grandma loads of love and care to keep in touch and to come back soon to see her.

Younger sis says we have to work out a solution otherwise she will keep falling down and the next fall could be more fatal than this.

I hope that you will not abandon me and your father when we are old. We do not like to depend on people but there will be times when we will need your help. Will you be there to help us?

Love

Ruth & Tim (parents & one day will be grandparents)